you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
