Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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