He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
