So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
