Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
