2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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