I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
