the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
