Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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