this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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