part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
