idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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