At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
