We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
