Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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