You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
