$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
