I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
