I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
