He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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