But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
