didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize