i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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