I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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