glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
