Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
