Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize