sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
