The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
soo... how was my night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
