do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
