The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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