Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
