somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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