You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
