I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
