i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
