Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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