so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
