there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
