"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
