but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
