update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
