PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
