When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
