i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
