the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
