Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
