pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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