i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
