oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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