Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They took my balls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
