chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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