it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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