bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize