I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
