I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
