Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
