Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So many bounce houses so little time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
