Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
