I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
