just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
