I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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