So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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