Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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