My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
