Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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