Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
