You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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